Heard It on the Street

Edition: December 2003 - Vol 11 Number 12
Article#: 1738
Author: Repertoire

We didn't hear this one on the street. Rather, the following appeared in golfdigest.com. It's part of the musings of Peter Alliss, age 72, TV commentator, author and golfer from the United Kingdom.

In my playing days, a group of us led by the devious Hugh Lewis invented a game called "Noddy is hidden."

A noddy is a condom, and the object of the game was to unleash it on the victim in a way that would cause the greatest embarrassment possible. At a cocktail party, pro-am dinner or even during a tournament, if the cry "Noddy is hidden!" went out, you had best be on your guard.

One fellow, just introduced on the first tee, removed the cover from his driver and found noddy stretched over his wooden clubhead. Another found noddy placed in the sun visor of the family automobile, which caused him - and his wife - great consternation. They put one in my golf glove once; it fell out in view of spectators and brought me almost to tears with humiliation. That was when I decided to exact my revenge.

Weeks later, at a large house party for the mayor of Altringham, Hugh Lewis was entertaining a group of people that included the mayor's wife. I offered to refill their glasses of gin. I padded into the kitchen and emerged moments later with their beverages, brimming with gin, lemon slices and fresh ice cubes. I handed one to the mayor's wife. Slowly, the warmth of her hand melted the ice. I watched and waited until the bottom cube was almost melted, then leaned into Hugh's ear and hissed, "Noddy is hidden!"

At that very moment, the noddy floated to the top of the glass belonging to the wife, freed at last after I'd placed it in the ice tray hours before. Hugh was mortified. He snatched it from her hand before she saw what was in her glass, but the roars of the other guests, combined with the expression of horror and disbelief on Hugh's face, is something I will treasure all my days. We decided that night to cancel the game "Noddy is hidden" forever, lest one night we wind up in jail.